So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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