So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
