I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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