You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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