Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
