Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
