You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
