i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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