My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
