Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
