I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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