Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Randomize
