I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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