she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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