I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
its not stalking. its research.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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