Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm getting married
To pizza
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
