Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
