i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
