Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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