My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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