u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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