idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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