i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
