wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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