Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
