lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
