He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
