the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
