We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Life is so much better after having sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
