Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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