Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
