I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
