I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
