He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
