This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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