dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
