His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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