I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
