So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
