is your mom at the bar?
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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