I forgot how hot balto sounded
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
