i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize