We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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