My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm at about main and main street
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
this is an emotional support booty call
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
