it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
