i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
