i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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