we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
