I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
