ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
