im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
