he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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