I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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